Self-Torture = The Toxic Work Environment + Stress

I knew it was bad from the beginning but I told myself that I would give it 2 years to add stability on my resume. The work environment was toxic and the stress made me both lactose and gluten intolerant. I would joke that I basically became allergic to food because everything I ingested made me bloated. (Stress puts your body in "fight or flight" mode so your digestion is not a priority.) I started the job in January and by December, I had gained 20 pounds and I had no energy or motivation.

My anxiety levels at that point were off the charts. I became an insomniac and the only thing that would help me sleep was passing out from alcohol or self-medicating with a heavy Indica strain so that I could stop the chatter in my head and let go of the dread of doing it all again the next day. This cycle was hopeless and I was fighting with myself every day.

Finding Yoga + Hip Flexor Injury

After a good year of this kind of self-torture, I decided that I needed to do something for me, and for this body that was suffering. I signed up for a gym and decided to try a yoga class; I remember just feeling so serene and calm in Child's Pose. Mat time became my time and where I could truly escape my life. During my hour commute to work every morning, I wondered if I would get off early enough that day to go find my light at the end of the tunnel.

One morning, I woke up and felt this sharp pain in my groin area as I tried to lift my right leg to get out of bed. I remembered that the night before, in the yoga class, the instructor had put her weight on me to help me move deeper in Pigeon Pose, one of the deepest hip openers that you can do. I had felt fine at the point but my doctor informed me that my right hip flexor had been strained and it should heal in about 3-4 months so take it easy.

Even though I had a doctor's note and I was limping, my work superiors seemed incredulous that I had suffered an injury from yoga and I was still expected to work as I did before, constantly making trips in and out of the warehouse to get documents ready for the cargo to go out. This was on top of having to drive one hour with the right leg to and from work everyday. I felt like I was being punished, here I was working with this painful injury and I couldn't even find peace on my mat anymore. 

To top this experience off in the best way possible, the management decided to terminate my employment on the grounds that I was not meeting company expectations. I wouldn't be upset if they had done it earlier, but to do this after the busy 6-day-weeks summer season where I had been working, that was a slap in the face. I had never felt more humiliated in my life and I had no idea what to do next. 

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Time of Reflection + New Experiences

Thankfully, I qualified for unemployment and these funds allowed me time to heal my hip flexor, to become a foster mother to 3 pitbull puppies, and to start building my modeling portfolio! (Yes, all things on my bucket list!) I started saying yes to everything that was offered to me and life just started to blossom again. I also found my way back to my mat and I wondered how it would feel to deepen my knowledge in yoga and concentrate on my practice for my own enrichment. Something I could do to heal my soul. I searched far and wide for the perfect yoga training and signed up.